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What is defensiveness? The Gottman Concept Corner is a series where clinicians and experts from the Gottman community share concepts, tips, exercises, and more to help you strengthen your relationship. In this episode, Anna Aslanian, LMFT discusses what you and your partner can do to get out of a cycle of defensiveness and back to more productive, healthy conflict conversations. Watch the entire IGTV episode on the @GottmanInstitute Instagram! | The Gottman Institute
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Defensiveness is a coping mechanism used to deflect and protect. When your partner turns everything into an attack and begins an argument it's because they are seeing your words through the lense of their own wounds. For example, Ash is acting as someone with a wound of insecurity which gets triggered by her partner mentioning something that involves her. She takes this as criticism and immediately tries to regain her self esteem by deflecting and turning it around on her partner. She uses compe
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